Since being diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder over a year ago, I have found both helpful and unhelpful content online; whether it be for symptoms, medication information or just to feel as though I have others to relate to.
Today, I found this video: If you’re not up for watching, YouTuber Sammy-Marie Grimm makes light of some not so productive habits she has that are a result of her mental illness(es), namely BPD.
There are videos online that are full of negative perceptions, experiences and stereotypes of those with this diagnosis. Usually, these videos are shared by people who have been close to someone with BPD or other illnesses that have a huge stigma attached to them. This content is typically bitter exes blaming their failed/failing relationships on their partner’s illness. What a shame – feeding the pre-existing stigma and, consequently, further deterring sufferers from speaking out.
FYI: we all have traits we do not like and/or can improve upon and it is true that the state of our mental health may worsen some of these negative traits (moodiness, irritability, tearfulness, etc.) BUT symptoms of mental illness cannot be to blame for a person’s utter d***headedness. If someone, mentally ill or not, is a piece of sh*t then distance yourself.
However, Sammy-Marie’s video is a lighthearted and honest response to the sh*tty traits that mental illness can enhance.
Her video sparked some much needed inspiration to kick off my writing in reflection to my BPD diagnosis. So, I thought I’d share some of my own traits that are most likely derived from my Borderline Personality Disorder or co-morbid illnesses.
(…Pause for a second to ask: Why am I doing this to myself?)
Convincing myself that everyone secretly hates me – this is a fun one!
Impulsive decision-making – anything from dramatic hair changes to things that could potentially be damaging.
I have THE WORST memory. I don’t know if this is due to dissociation but there are huge chunks of my life that I can’t remember and also smaller things that are brought up in conversation like: ‘haha, remember *insert event here*!?’ … uh, no, sorry.
Spending money that I don’t have – I have no control and I am doomed to be poor forever.
Splitting – I switch from absolute love to absolute hate, both on myself and people in my life.
6. I could sleep forever, I am ALWAYS tired.
7. I don’t know what I want out of life – I continuously change my mind about where I’m at currently, what I want as a career, what my goals are, etc.
8. I am SO easily overwhelmed. I often find myself feeling that life is just ‘too much’.
9. I have to combat bad thoughts with small rituals, a psychologist I saw for a while told me this was OCD but I don’t think I have an official diagnosis of this.
10. A constant, underlying, feeling of emptiness that can be ignored for a while, but as soon as I stop to think for a moment it floods back.
Hopefully, this one wasn’t too much of a downer!
If there are any other topics you would like me to discuss, please comment or leave me a message.